Today is your due date, my sweet Kollyns Sophie. And here you are at 10 days old already. Seven pounds of sweetness lying on my chest as I write this. So even though it would make sense that your birth story begins about a week and a half ago, I have to tell you, my dear, it goes back way further than that.
In 2003, I met a boy. He was fresh out of high school and nonchalantly walked into a recreation center where I had been employed for a few years already. He had long blond hair and bright blue eyes. I would have guessed he was a surfer kid rather than a football player. But I realized quickly with him, I couldn't judge the book by its cover. He politely asked for an application and was hired within the week. He was a hard worker. Always respectful, no drama and showed kindness to everyone he encountered. That summer marked the beginning of a friendship.
Then when he returned from his freshman year of college the following summer, I was waiting for my friend. However, God had other plans. He paved a way in that boy's heart that made room for me. And vise versa. As your mom and dad began falling in love, we also began dreaming about what our future would look like together.
And you, Kollyns, our sweet girl, were always a part of that dream.
Let's fast forward 12 more years. After seven+ years of marriage with your dad and two incredible, curious, silly, beautiful children...there I was, sitting in the OB's office at 33 weeks pregnant with our third little blessing.
I was scared. I knew I hadn't felt this kind of pain this early with my other two babies. I told you it wasn't time yet. I was praying unceasingly that you would keep growing safe inside me for at least another month. And there sitting on the examination table, the pain subsided. An answered prayer! I was checked and the activity had stopped. I was cleared to go home as long as I promised to take it easy. I don't think the magnitude of that afternoon hit me until the car ride home when I was on the phone with your dad. I had to pull over on the side of the road. I couldn't stop crying. I was a storm of emotions as everything was hitting me at once. But the biggest emotion I remember feeling was gratitude. I have no doubt it was the Great Physician that stopped my contractions that day. And looking at your precious little face now...that gratitude floods over me once again.
The remaining weeks of my pregnancy, I took it easy as much as I could. I learned to lighten my responsibilities. I slowed down. I (gulp!) learned to ask for help. (Why is that so hard for moms?) And thanks to my village, we made it to 34 weeks. Then 35. And 36. I was getting more and more confident that our little bunny was going to make it full term. So confident, actually, that we planned an early (pre-newborn) third birthday party for Kerigan on the Saturday of my 37th week of pregnancy.
The sweetest little birthday friends.
I was so thankful Kerigan had that night. I wanted her to have her moment one more time before the baby got here. It was so wonderful to see her be celebrated with her big brother and all her little girlfriends. She sparkled all night long. But then after we put the kids to bed, I knew I overdid it. The contractions started up again. But this time I wasn't scared. I was 37 weeks, so it was okay if the baby came now. However, physically, I wasn't ready. I didn't have an ounce of energy left. Every part of my body was hurting. So again, I prayed for one more week with you. And by morning, the contractions subsided once again.
37+ weeks. The morning after Kerigan's party.
That following Tuesday marked my 38th week of pregnancy. This in itself was an answered prayer. I kept thinking all day how thankful I was to make it to this week. Its ironic how my mentality differed between this pregnancy and my first two. My first two were a fairly non-dramatic nine months. But I was so stinkin' anxious by 35 weeks. This pregnancy was by far my most challenging physically. (Could you tell by the overall lack of blog posts this year?) However, I wanted to endure as long as possible to keep our little bunny growing.
At my 38 week check up, I finally let the doctor check my progression. I was dilated to 3 and 60% effaced! (This is what I was when I showed up at the hospital in active labor with Kerigan)But not in active labor now...but it could literally be anytime. And when I saw the peace on her face about it...I too, was at peace. It's okay now, baby. You can choose any day you want to be your birthday.
38 weeks! Praise the Lord!
I vowed to myself I wasn't going to get anxious. I was going to soak up every second with my older babies. Within two days we managed to pack in a lot. We went to the library and park, attended a cookout, snuggled, painted masterpieces and went on pajama bike rides each morning. Friday October 7 was one of the most fulfilling days I can remember in a long time. That morning, kids rode their bikes around the neighborhood while I walked along side them (without fear of going into labor...because its okay now). Then as Kerigan napped that afternoon, Briggs and I spent hours in the basement working on spelling, building animals out of blocks and of course, snap chatting Daddy. That evening, Daddy and Pops took Briggs to a football game for a boys night. So Kerigan and I met up with some of our favorite ladies for a park and ice cream date.
Pajama bike rides are the best kind of bike rides.
Painting numbers with my boy
Getting her last snuggles in with Bunny on October 7th.
Genius boy created a giraffe out of blocks.
Love him.
After putting the kids down that night, I told him what an amazing day I had with both our littles. Its rare I get to have so much one-on-one time with either of them, let alone in one day. I told Ryan that night, "I'm good now." And fell asleep early with a smile on my face and in my heart.
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Early that Saturday morning, at 2:00am I woke up with a faint twinge. I looked at my phone. It's October 8th. I thought, is today the day, baby? I stayed in bed for a few more minutes. This time it was stronger. By the third contraction, I knew it was the day. I had a feeling I wasn't going to be in labor long since I was already dilated to 3. And the contractions were already coming fast...about 2 and a half minutes a part. I didn't let Ryan sleep this time. We needed to get to the hospital. We called the doctor, then called my parents and sister. We gave our littles one more kiss as they peacefully slept slept in their beds during the wee hours of the morning. Then at 3:15am...we were out the door.
On the way up to the hospital, my contractions were coming about every 2 minutes. These contractions felt different than my other two labors. These didn't wrap around my abdomen. They were all concentrated about three inches below my belly button. And they were unbearable. I remember being able to mentally breathe through my labors before. Why was I so weak now? I was already getting disappointed in myself. How was I going to be able to do this naturally? Then Ryan told me what I needed to hear. "Krista, stop it. Give yourself some grace. You've been in labor for weeks. Your body is physically done. You've done your job keeping our baby safe. Now its ready. And its going to be beautiful. Concentrate on holding our healthy baby."
He was right. Going natural has always been for me. Epidurals and I are not friends. But I have to accept it if it means that our baby will come into this world healthy and not in distress.
I was admitted at 3:45am and they had me go straight to an L&D room skipping right over triage. They immediately had me pinned down (or so I felt) and I was not happy about it. They were blowing veins and asking me questions about my insurance. It was ticking me off. So much commotion. All I wanted to do was concentrate on relaxing my body and laboring my way. But that's not what happened. Then when the nurse checked me, the bag of water was bulging but had not broken yet which was keeping me from progressing further than a 4. While my body was involuntarily convulsing I screamed. "A WHAT?! A 4? I'm this miserable and I'm only at a 4?" That's when I waved the white flag. Ryan was right. My body was done.
The anesthesiologist came in shortly after that. I remember thinking how much I liked her right off the bat. She had an Eastern European accent and came off as a really cool person. Like, if we weren't in a hospital, and I wasn't in labor, she would be a good one to swap stories with over a craft beer on a beautiful Broad Ripple evening. She was the first person to speak to me like a real person. Asking me about my history with epidurals. After learning I had postpartum bells palsy with Briggs, she was hesitant to proceed. Then I broke down. And after realizing it most likely was not the epidural that caused the BP, she decided to continue with the procedure. She even let Ryan stay in the room with me. After the epidural kicked in, I still felt pressure but no pain.
But again, epidurals hate me. I was so sick. I was fighting to keep my blood pressure under control the whole time. I had to focus on breathing and I suppose eating ice chips helped. Or at least kept me distracted from my epi sickness. I'm assuming it was around 4:30/4:45. Dr. Ball came in and broke my water. And guys...I was ready to push before 6:00am! I went from a 4 to 10 in just over an hour.
At about 6:05, they brought the crews in to bring a little bundle into this world. I was so ready to meet this little face. Would we add another son to our crew? Or another little darling girl? Dr. Ball told me I could start pushing during the next contraction. So I did. Then mid contraction she told me to stop. I became paranoid because I thought it was because of the baby's safety. But then Ryan told me it was because the baby was going to come out on that first push and Dr. Ball didn't have her gloves on yet. And relief washed over me. During the minute we waited for the next contraction, we told the doctor that when Kerigan was born, we didn't know what she was right away because the umbilical cord was covering her up. Dr. Ball told Ryan she will make sure it's clear once baby is out so he can announce it.
And here it came. The last contraction. I knew this was it. We were going to meet our third sweetheart in seconds. At 6:08am, I pushed and out came a perfectly pink crying baby with a head full a of gorgeous black hair. Dr. Ball showed the baby to Ryan and before he could process what he saw, I screamed "Oh my goodness! It's a girl!!!!" I immediately started crying because I knew her. It made so much sense. She was the answer to so many prayers. She was the realization of our dreams-this beautiful bundle of baby girl that now lay in my arms. As they took her away to be assessed, I continued to cry. I kept thinking (or saying out loud- I can't remember) I love her so much. I love her so much. I love her SO much. At 7 lbs and 20 inches, this miraculous little darling nuzzled her way perfectly into our arms and even more so, into our hearts.
Kolly is the perfect representation of Christ's never-ending, multiplying love. I had given my whole heart to Ryan the day we married. But then I was able to grow another and give my whole heart to my Briggs in 2012 and again to sweet Kerigan in 2013. Being able to experience a multiplied love like this is proof in itself that God is exists and His love for us is infinite.
So again on October 8, 2016, I handed my whole heart over to my darling, Kollyns Sophie Alane. Kolly girl, you are a dream come true. I hope you read this for years to come and know how much you are cherished, prayed over and loved. You are worth more than rubies, my beloved. Not just in mine and Daddy's eyes. But in the eyes of the One who matters most. He created you. He placed you in my womb. You are His daughter. His creation. You are treasured. And although, you were a part of our dream in the summer of 2004...you were a part of His dream before the beginning of time. I know He has a beautiful plan for you, dear girl.
Welcome to this beautiful life, Sweet Kolly! You are so loved.
